mamastyles

 I love and hate updating this thing.



I'm back from Georgia and I am more in love than ever. I am planning to go down again in a few weeks to see Thomas and spend a weekend with him once he gets to his AIT @ Ft. Gordon.
:)

 So basically, I leave in about 3 days (considering, it's practically friday). I have to have everything done and packed by Monday morning before I go to work. Today is my last day off so I have to just do a crazy amount of laundry. I bought a new cooler and it's huge. I also had to buy a new wallet (which was kind of over-due anyways) since Nathan spit up on mine...
So, I work Monday 11-3 and as SOON as I get home and everything is completley setttled I have to some how fall asleep...until around 3 AM when I have to pick up Danny and hit the road.I don't know how I am going to fall asleep at that time of day for so long...but I guess I should try..


Oh, and I had this really weird, nightmare/ thing last night.
I was watching a storm with my brothers and alex and my mom, I think and we were in my Grandpa's kitchen and they were talking about falling asleep while driving or something and I toild them to just wait till after this one song because it makes you stay awake or something of the sort and I saw this REALLY big lightening and I plugged my ears because I knew it was going to be loud and all these veins and my ear drums like exploded and the whole room was like shaking and things were falling from shelves and breaking and all this blood was draining from my ears and than I woke up and I just had the most eery feeling. I was like afraid to move. I hate when that happens...


I keep watching this movie, 'The Covenant'. Which is weird...because it's not really good...at all.

 I've begining to question everything I've been sure about for so long.



Thomas called today. I was really happy but by the end of it I just felt so unsettled. I want this so bad; a life with him. I just don't know if I'm cut out for this. I want it, I really do but...I just don't know. I am going to try, I really am. He is so worth it but I can't help but think back on how things used to be. I know that's bad, because now is now and than is not coming back.
 I just have to keep telling myself that.

 Just letting you guys know I'm still alive.
I don't really use my tumblr much that I made.
 I still check in here and there all the time though!

Just don't have too much time to write.
I'm working all the time.
Bought a new car.
23 days until I go see Thomas graduate boot camp!

hoo-rah.
I'll still keep checking in on everyone though <3

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 Hey, Sorry guys, this is the end for me and this livejournal!
Which is kinda sad, I've had it for over 2 years now!

but anyways...
here is this...



http://tinyteeth.tumblr.com/

 I need to start updating. Fuck.

I'm so tired. I got my new job at the zoo!

I start tomorrow.
Thomas left for bootcamp this morning.
I woke up at 6:00 AM to be there at 9:00 In Syracuse and It was really sad.

I promise I will update someday...

 Okay, so things have been very up and down. I'm not going to make this a huge entry but my internet was taken away (like I'm 10 again) for a fight I had with Stacey. I was staying at other people's houses for 2 weeks until I came back and now my mom and her are in North Carolina so I'm not having to deal with them at home at the moment.

The 18th-25th I'll be house sitting while Thomas and the family are on the cruise.
The 2nd of May is Thomas' going away party.
Than the 5th he gets sworn in. I'm going with my mother (I think) to see him off in Syracuse.

I was really really upset at first thinking about my empty summer but things are looking up. Mikey and I are going down to Florida to visit his cousins and I'm really excited for that. We're driving there so there should be a few good stops along the way to check out. (If you know any sweet places to stop, let me know. We are coming from NY so it will be quite the drive). We're also going to Toronto for a night with Katie. That's all the set in stone plans as of now but I'm also hoping to make it to Boston at some point. I'm going to be missing Thomas a lot I know that but I'm glad I won't be sitting home thinking about it like I thought I would be. My vision for my summer right now besides the trips is laying on the roof of Mikey's apartment buildings with Katie, just enjoying the sun and drinking iced teas.

Last night Mikey and I went to Denny's becuase I was upset about an argument I was having with Thomas so I wanted to get out and we just sat there for hours talking about stuff. He really is the best guy friend I have ever had. Him and Katie are the perfect friends for me. We all get annoyed with eachother sometimes but I love them both so much unconditionally.  Sometimes I wish I had a 'big group' of friends to hang out with but the 3 of us is more than enough for eachother most of the time. Others come and go, ya know. We're thinking of seeing Jaimie and French again sometime. I know it would be almost impossible to get ahold of Joey so we're really not going to even bother trying.  He's family and I know he's a busy guy getting ready for college and what not but if he cannot take 5 seconds to text someone and see how they are he really isn't worth the same or an invite.

That's all I feel like writing at the moment.

 I haven't been home in about a week now.
and when I am I usuallly do not have internet...
I'm being shitty at updating but it's hard at the moment.
Sorry, guys. :/
I will soon, I promise.

Today started out really nice, the weather was beautiful
and Thomas and I went out to eat at Perkin's and came back to my house and watched bowfinger,
but the second he got home we started fighting. Which is not so bad, we never fight and it wasn't a big thing
it was just so aggrivating, I had to get out of the house so I went to Denny's with Mikey and now I am so so so
full, I could pop, so I'm watching Transiberian and I like this movie a lot.

O-k so, updating is going to be difficult right now mainly because I don't want to update at all but here goes...

Friday, Thomas was pretty late picking me up coming home from MEPS. The whole day he was in Syracuse (doing tests and physicals for basic training), I was sad, which just goes to show how bad I will be with him gone 2 months for basic training than AIT! On top of this in a few weeks him and the family will be gone for 5 days for the cruise. I'm calling that practice, Trying to get used to him being away is going to be so hard. For the past almost year and half now we've at least talked every day and it's going to suck becuase he will only be able to call every sunday and with having to call his mom and Lydia too, I know we won't get THAT much time. Anyways, on Friday he got me on his way back from the recruiters office and he brought back all these army shirts and bumper stickers and towels and gave them all to his sisters and mom. I was kinda sad about it :( I wanted one. I don't want to be selfish, that's his family but I really felt shitty he didn't bring me back anything and than today he wanted to buy his mom flowers 'just cause'. When I didn't even get flowers on Valentines day! I got 5 heart shaped cookies. :( I know he was real tight on money at the time and I don't want to seem shitty but I was disapointed to say the least...
We had free movie tickets that night though and everyone was out so went to go to see The Knowing. With Nicolas Cage. We both thought it LOOKED pretty good from previews but it really sucked. I ended up having to do with aliens... It just sucked really.
The earth blowing up part was really scary though. I'm one of those people terrified of 2012 :(
If I had known what Y2K was, I probably would have been terrified of that too but I was in like 4th grade...


Yesterday we went to the military store near his house to try to find some shirts or something but they  were all huuuuge than we went to my dad's for dinner. The whole time my dad would NOT stop talking about the army with Thomas and I mean I know thats kind of why we came becuase my dad wanted to talk to him about it but It was kind of depressing and he asked about us staying together and I said we were going to and he said "can you really do that?" and gave me this look like I could not stay faithful to Thomas. I hate when he does that. He also said spending time with Mike at his apartment was one of my worst choices I could make. Really...Mike is my best friend of 3, almost 4 years and we have NEVER done anything. We had a crush on each other once a long time ago and nothing even happened then. When we went back to the house, Mama Kim and Lydia had gone to the military store as well and bought braclets, more bumper stickers and lydia got "booty camp" shorts. Which are camo under wear really and she was all showing them off. She even asked Thomas if she could get him one of the uniforms he will wear after boot camp. I could not understand for the life of me why she would want one. It seems like Mama Kim really doesn't get that this effects me too. I mean I know they are worried and sad and proud and all that but all I know is "oh poor Lyida, poor poor Lydia". Her and Thomas are close I get it. They are Irish twins. They've never celebrated a birthday apart, I know this. It's sad, it is but she acts like this shouldn't effect me at all and it's getting kind of annoying. We've always been close but since Thomas joined the army she's been so hard to deal with... 
On Friday, Grammy had brought up going to his graduation from basic in Georgia and how her and papa were cleaning out the van and taking everyone and Thomas asked If i was going and I said "yeah of course...if everyone is ok with that and wants me there". Grammy and Mama kim didn't say a word he just said "of course I want you there!". I asked Larina about it and she said that her mom had said she was un-sure because It's going to be very sunny down there and she didn't want me getting sick and wanting to go back to the hotel(I get sick in the sun). It's not that big a deal. I'm in the sun all the time over the summer, I just have to cover up and I wouldn't whine and want to leave in the middle of my boyfriend's basic training graduation!

Just ughhh.
So annoying lately with everyone on my back about us and about me.
My step mom was grilling me about Thomas and I and why I was not going with him.
I can't even tell you how MANY times I had to tell her "I CANT GO WITH HIM. WE ARE NOT MARRIED!". Which always ended in a 'well you should get married. If you love each other just get married'. I really don't find it being that easy. I'm 18 and he's almost 21 and we are in no rush. We are both trying to get our lives on track and seeing how we do with the distance. I know it won't be easy but he needs to get done with Basic and AIT and I need to get to Job corp. Hopefully sooner than September but whatever happens happens. I know you get more money and it's easier if you get married before basic and before you join and everything but we're not getting married just because its convenient. 

In other news...
On satuday we went to the movies again, this time with Lydia and we saw 'Last House on the Left".
Which was also kinda sucky. I'm not into watching people get mutilated and all that so I guess it just wasn't my kind of flick? After we went to Michelle's and were supposed to go bowling but Aaron and the guys didn't have money so Thomas and I left and went to Denny's than went back to the house and played Sims...A lot. hahaha. We seriously play it like everyday than we went to bed.

and Today We rented Sin City and got Burger King. Sin city was sooo good. It was ridiculous how much I loved it.
Thomas and I came back here for a little while and watched BatMan and now I should be in bed because I'm going to the zoo tomorrow with Katie and baby Nathan! 
Than Tuesday I'm going with Mikey to Buffalo to see his daddy and go back to the galleria mall becuase It's so nice!

This took way too long. 
Woo-ee.

 This is going to be a short-ish update, I think.

Yesterday Mikey, KT and I went to the Buffalo mall for fun.
We stayed in Urabn Outfitters for sooo long! Not even looking at clothes but all the home decor stuff. Katie and I were obsesseddd. I want it all!

Than we went to Greece mall today.
I got 4 movies, a hoodie and a tank top from ae and two tank tops from old navy.
Which was awesome.


I'm gonna go now though.
I'm excited to see my boyfriend tonight :)

 " I don't want to be left with all this, I plan to be there right by your side".
-Stay in my memory by Bim.



Anyways, The weekend was good.
Friday was even more crying but since it's sunk in a little more. I'm feeling really excited for us. The 6 weeks he is at basic training is going to be hard but it will be good. I will have more time to myself. Which I have not had in a long time, by choice really. I think it's a good time to try concentrating on me. We talked a while about me going to Job Corp now to fill up some time when he's gone but I don't think i want to do that anymore.  


I still have the picture of Thomas sobbing in my head. It really was so horrible. As glad as I am that it's over, I'm kind of glad it happened too. I was questioning us a lot lately. He had been very distant but I guess he had a lot on his mind. I've had so many what-ifs put into my head and all these horrible scenerios  in my head. I haven't had my period in months, since September (which really is NOT that weird for me, I've gone a year without it once. My Gyno told me a few months ago when I went in for new b.c. that I was not pregnant and just to come back when it does...) and I'm worried the moment he leaves i'm going to be pregant. Which I don't REALLY think will happen when I stop to rationally think about it because my doctor says they don't even know if I can have children (which at my age is not really a very acurate thing to say), but it's just scary. It feels like the moment he leaves my world may just crumble.  I know it won't though, I need a little more faith in myself.

When I got back to my mom's tonight the house was empty which was weird and my mom called me and told Stacey (her gf) is in the hospital for being "sick". I knew right away something was weird and I asked what kind of sick and she told me she tried to hang herself. I really don't like the woman, I don't but that was so horrible to hear that someone living under my own roof was feeling so horrible and lonely. I mean I know I was not home and I could really do nothing and we don't talk anyways but it was really horrible to hear. I felt really weird coming into the house and I wish Thomas would have stayed because I got really creeped out. It's a good thing I didn't know where she tried or else I probably would have thrown up. 


I am trying to stay up so I can wait for Jesse to get online. I don't know what time it is in Germany but I really want to ask him a few things about basic training and how often I can get ahold of Thomas. I know his schedule will be jam packed, I guess I'm just hoping I can text him. I also want to know where his base is going to be. I am PRAYING for some place in the U.S. but we will see.
I mid as well stay up all night and sleep all day tomorrow! I have nothing goin on at all.
Thomas has a full scheduled ahead of him so I will probably not see him untill he comes home from his test and physical in Niagara Falls on Friday :(
Phoo-ey.

 I'm going to start using this again, too much is going on lately.





That day he came to pick me up and I've never been so like excited to see him. At work I guess a bunch of the guys were saying they didn't think I would stay faithful to him but he told them he knew me and that I was a good girl and he is trusting me and he needs me to be with him through this. I am going to be. It's going to be so hard. He went to the gym and I went out with his mom to the eye doctor. It was hard talking to her about this, usually I feel comfortable talking to her about anything but she doesn't seem worried or sad at all! It made me feel ridiculous for feeling so sad. I think she looks at it like i'm upset about him choosing the army but I'm not. I could not be more proud of him, he is going to be SUCH a good soldier but it's so sudden and he wants it so bad. For 5 years! He is going to be 26-ish by the time he comes back! and me, 24. Crazy. We don't know if I will be away from him all that time though, that would be hard. We were talking last night when we went to tops and he said how well we know eachother and how he would say for sure I am his lover and his best friend and we know each other better than anyone. I told him I would marry him for sure, I have no doubts but not under the circumstances. We're not going to get engaged just so I can follow him, although I would love more than anything to be there for him but it seems like such the wrong reason but than what other reason do I need? I'm kind of confused. We're going to talk about it after basic training for him.
 

The one upside this is when he leaves, he is giving me his car :)
I have to shower and get ready to spend the weekend there. I'm so happy to still have him. I'm hoping we have the summer still together. I know he isn't leaving till AT least after April because they are still all going on the cruise. 
I'm glad I got all this out, I figure I will be using this Livejournal a lot more again.
:)

I am so happy.
Everything is so good.

 I think I may be done with this Live Journal.
Some time within the next few months I may get an actual blog.
I'll post if I get it though :)
Love you all...
sort of.

I'm sorry I've been sucking at updating lately :(

Things have been good.
For our 1 year Thomas took me out to Mario ViaBruzzi's and we had a candle lit dinnner!
It was so nice.  The dinner was the only alone time we got though :(
When we got back there were mad people at the house drinking.
I basically just took a shower and laid down in Thomas' room and read most the night.
At around midnight Kristin, Michelle and Lydia came in and we all talked for a while.

It was Larina's bday on Thursday which means, we were busy ALLL weekend.
Friday was her party with kids from her school like Tiffany, Allie, James, Kailey, who ever.
The next night was drinking with everyone.
and Sunday was her family party at grammy's.


Tomorrow is my 3 week post OP with Dr. Vega.
All my stitches disolved so I don't expect it to be much of a visit.


I have had a bit of a temper lately :( I don't like it.
I don't let it show really because I don't like to be that girl with the short fuse but I've been
feeling so bitchy. I spent a lot of the weekend and yesterday in Thomas' room reading not wanting to be around
much of anyone.
Last night though Thomas' sister's and I had a girl's night dinner at Denny's.
It was a lot of fun and I feel better.
I'd been getting annoyed with Lydia a lot but I realized it was really Mike i'd been getting annoyed with and Larina and Lydia felt the same way.


I filed for my tax return.
I didn't get much back but it's whatever, I'm glad to have that out of the way!

So, I am making myself update right now. As much as I can remember to update on...Which isn't much i guess.


Last weekend was nice. Every weekend is really. Thomas says he loves crawling back into bed after he gets home from church because it's all warm still from me :) I make him play mario cart with me EVERYDAY! and he never gets sick of it. When we first started playing I was really bad. like really really bad. Which is why I think he liked playing with me so much because he could laugh at how i got 8th place every time! But I've been beating him lately >:]


Last night Thomas came over here. I ordered pizza and I made him Oatmeal Raisin cookies because they are his favorite. We watched the fantastic 4 and little bit of troy but than we went back to his house. We played Mario cart some and laid down. I asked him how much he loves me because I never get tired of hearing it and he never gets tired of telling me. I don't know how to describe the conversation really but it meant a lot to me.

I applied at this new Italian Resturant yesterday called GiGi's. It's not too far from my house and the people really liked me. They said they would call me in a few days...If they really do is what it really comes down to I guess. I really hope they do. I need a job just so so so bad!


Thomas and I's 1 year is Saturday :) He is planning something special. I guess we are going out of town? I'm really not sure at all what's going on. I made him this photobook with a bunch of our pictures in it but when he told me what he was doing I felt so bad because there is no way my present will compare. I know he will like it but I am gonna feel like shit.

That's all I can bring myself to write at the moment...
I have to shower.
Bye :)

I need to update!! I will soon.
Till then....here's a picture..

Okay, I am home from surgery.

There is a lot I could write so I really don't know where to start. I'm still pretty sore because the pain meds they were giving me were making me throw up ALL the time so I stopped taking them after about the first hour or so of being in my room.

Thomas stayed the night with me and I had a lot of visitors and it was nice that everyone came to see me.
I can't shower for another day and a half. Which sucks because I smell like vomit and my hair is so greasy.
I'm surprised Thomas didn't run away when he saw me hahaha. But he was so wonderful. He went and got a nurse for me everytime I puked, he helped me get up to go to the bathroom a lot, he held me when I cried because everything was hurting me so bad and he slept in a chair right next to me bed and held my hand all night. I cried in the morning when he had to leave and go to work but I'm just so glad he came.
He thinks this got us even closer. While I was in surgery he cried for the first time in about 7 years when he called to ask how I was doing and they didn't know.


I was able to keep NOTHING down last night.
They gave me pain meds, puked them back up.
they gave me meds for my stomach, puked that back up.
gave me anti-biotics, puked that up and than after a while I was feeling okay
so I tried to eat a bagel that Katie had brought me...nope puked that RIGHT back up.
All over my bed. I swear they had to change my bed about 4 times.

This morning I was able to keep down some dry toast though and I am finally home and not planning to even TRY to eat anything else for a while.
They perscribed me all these different pain things but Im not having any of the things filled except my anti-biotic.




That's it for now, I'm really sore and am going to go rest and wait for my baby to come take care of meeee!

Let me just tell you how good today has been!


Well I had my Pre Surgery Screening today which wasn't so bad. They just took some blood and asked me some questions than my mom bought me lunch. Before my screening I had a voicemail from some place about reviewing my application but I couldn't hear what the lady was saying so I figured I would just call later but than she called me when I was getting lunch and it's The Shore Winds Nursing Home! I put an application in there quite a bit ago but she was asking me some things about schallers and my surgery and when I would be able to work and she was being kinda sketchy about it because I said I probably wouldnt be able to come in to work for a week or two. She said she would call me in two weeks. She than called me 5 minutes later asking more about when I would be able to come into work and I said if she wanted me to I could probably come in tomorrow for an interview because I really wanted the job and she said she would call me in a week than. so...I get home and this lady calls me AGAIN! and offers me an interview tomorrow at 2:15! I swear swear swear I am going to nail it!
Well I hope, I feel pretty confident.

Than when I got home I got my FASFA Pin# in the mail! So I got my FASFA all set up. I was really stoked on that! So I called the SUNY REOC to ask if they accepted Financial Aid and they told me it was tuition free! I just have to pay for my books and supplies which adds up to be almost $800. That's the kind of stinky part. However if my luck with The Shore Winds goes as planned I will be okay I'm pretty sure! Which means that as long as my GED testing goes through right after my surgey and I pass my TABE testing on March 10th I will be a liscenced practical nurse by a little before summer of 2010!


I'm kind of bummed because Thistle Townhouses are leasing now and that's exactly where Thomas and I wanted to move, In our very favorite neighborhood.  I'm proud of myself though for putting education first though. I haven't in a very long time. I plan on making up for it.


Also okay for a second let me gloat about how gorgeous my boyfriend is...




okay now here's one of me and I'm out :)
PRAY FOR ME!

I know I said I would update but I just got home and I'm  a little tired.
I spent the past 5 days at the house and Thomas wants me to move in now.
That's for us to talk about later though. My surgery is on Thursday and I am gonna post some pictures.
( photos )
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